THROUGH IT ALL

Lord, we want to lift Your name on high
And Lord, we want to thank You
For the works You've done in our lives
And Lord, we trust in Your unfailing love
For You alone are God eternal
Throughout earth and heaven above

So it's thirty minutes to midnight and before we know it, 2009's over. Just like that, and the year's over and I can't even say how fast everything's passed. Seriously. Whizz of colours and here we are, day 30. Or rather, day 31.

There was something my pastor said at the start of today's watchnight service, and it hit me really hard, because I realised that's probably why everything's passed so fast in my mind. "Sometimes we forget to thank God for the little blessings He gives us, and soon our forgetfulness becomes ungratefulness." And how true is this. All year I have been looking forward, so used to looking ahead, planning ahead, preparing for the next big thing. And now that the year's coming to an end, it's about time that I stop looking ahead and instead, look back. Look back at what He has done in my life, and see how He has provided. Take stock of all the times that I forgot to thank Him, forgot to see the good in things, forgot to spend time with Him because there were other things more important, forgot that His ways are higher than my ways and instead of trusting, despaired. And perhaps come 6th Jan, I will be at peace with whatever results I get because I trust in His unfailing love.

But where do I begin? I've been too used to dwelling on what went wrong, on trying to figure out why things screwed up, on trying to fix things, to make things better. I've forgotten how to count my blessings, to praise Him for the amazing things He has done and to thank Him for all the amazing people that He put in my life. But 2010 will be better. I will keep a blessing notebook! I will remember to give thanks every day for the blessings He gives me, both small and big, and I will know that I am wonderfully and richly blessed by a God who loves me (: And when I am discouraged, I will remember how He has given me so much, and I will know that He is sufficient for me.

Today during service when we were singing, this feeling of immense joy and gratitude just overwhelmed me and I almost cried because when I was singing I remembered all the good times and the bad times this year, it was like pictures of 2009 were running like a slideshow through my head. And in the bad times, I remembered how He always put someone there to comfort me; I was never alone. He provided then, He provides now, and He will provide in the year to come.

2010 will be hard. Haha there's no shadow of a doubt that it'll be tough. Dealing with results results results. IB results, interview results. Things that I tend to associate my worth with. :\ Then there's the juggling between 2 jobs, and trying to get in as many activities in the months before interviews. Relief teaching by itself is gonna be just crazy. But I'm up for the challenge (: And I know I'm gonna need sooo much wisdom trying to figure out these fifteen year olds.

But I'm not complaining. (: I'm kinda excited to see how these new experiences are gonna change me and shape me, and perhaps if I'm lucky, I'll get to change someone's life (: Inspire a student to study hard. Bring someone to Christ. Orrrr something. Whatever it is, whatever all of us may face in this new year, God promises grace and strength, soo trust not our own strength and power, and rely on His promise always!

Usher in 2010, it's gonna be a blast. And even as we move on from here, as we see all these radical changes in our lives, in the friends we talk to, in the environment we find ourselves, let us always be grounded in Christ. Let us also always remember the friends that stood by us this year, and never let these friendships fade out. Perhaps we won't get the chance to talk to each other that much, and perhaps we may be forgotten over time. And sometimes I guess it does seem like some friends have an expiry date. But to the friends I love and have kept till now, I know it's hard and I'm bad at keeping friendships especially when I get busy, but let's try to keep it going somehow (: May our friendship never ever ever expire okay!

Have a blessed new year everyone <3


Lord, make me what you will.
I put myself fully into your hands:
put me to doing, put me to suffering,
let me be employed for you, or laid aside for you;
let me be full, let me be empty,
let me have all things, let me have nothing.
I freely and with a willing heart give it all to your pleasure and disposal.

too fast too soon

somehow, some time, we lose ourselves.

i need to stop letting time suck me in. It's like some whirly tunnel thing, slide in on day 1, swirls of colours lots of motion yet it feels like you're going down one straight path and bam! the tunnel shits you out and you're already on day 30.

wow.

never happened

Could and should must be the two most painful words that ever existed.
Could have done it, should have known that.
The possibilities could (no, would) kill you.
The painful realisation that you missed your chance, your one and only shot to make it right. They say there's no point crying over spilt milk, but moving on doesn't help at all to take away the regret. It just stays there and it comes back to haunt you again and again when you're not thinking about anything and then it comes back and hits you and it always hurts like hell.
But if we have wants then we'll have to have regrets. Life's like that right? Can't always get what you want. So since I want my wants, I guess I'll have to live with my regrets.
Perhaps if I get that research scholarship I'll do something useful for myself. Find a painkiller that helps block out parts of your mind. If you don't think about it, it won't hurt so much. Won't hurt so much..so much so much.

I am a spa-faceee

Today's interview has led me to several conclusions about myself:
1. I am honest to the point of stupidity
2. I am too poor
3. I have not mastered the art of bs-ing.

Honesty is not a virtue, not when you confess to the interviewer that the only way you can get into the school is if you're on a scholarship that is offered to 5 people a year, and that your parents decided they don't have the money to afford the school fees.

SERIOUSLY DEBBIE WHAT WERE YOU THINKING UGHHHH ):

That aside, it's incredibly annoying how I actually knew the answer to the phloem transport question but because I thought the answer was too simple, I must have remembered wrongly. Glucose is pumped into the phloem by active transport, high solute concentration, water from xylem moves in by osmosis, pumps the sugars to where it's needed. SIMPLE. I didn't even have to mention that it was called pressure flow hypothesis since the interviewer hasn't studied botany for the past 50 years of his life! Being the stupidly honest person I am, I confessed to him that I couldn't remember the details, but it probably had something to do with water from the xylem and pressure being created in the phloem and glucose being actively transported into the phloem. Technically if I had told him the wrong thing, he probably wouldn't have known heh. Should have realised that earlier darnit. ):

And the Ashley Treatment's on a girl in US and it happened in 2007, not "in UK quite some time ago, 2000-something?". Information failll. On hindsight, I was super dumb to say UK. He's been in UK for ages, and if he hasn't heard of it, then DUHH IT DIDN'T HAPPEN IN THE UK. omgosh I am a failure.

Ohwells. At least it's over and I can start mugging for IB and try getting that 45 for real. And BMAT, perhaps I'll get such impressive results they decide to offer me a place even though I screwed up the interview hoho.

Then again, I seem to be on a screwing up spree. First IOC, then prelims, then interview. IB/BMAT next? cross fingers and toes.

very tired.

get over it don't think about it stopppppp! don't go there.
I need to master the art of blocking out a tiny part of my mind.

when your best isn't enough,

give up. right now, I don't feel up to it at all. As much as I want to be the strong person I believe I am, as much as I tell myself this is just God's way of motivating me, it hurts, it sucks, and there's a part of me that doesn't want to bounce back from this, that just wants to give up now. All my life I've told myself that if I worked hard enough for anything God would give it to me, that God would reward me. So no matter how tired I was I always pushed on. But now it seems like there's only so much I can work for, you either have it or you don't, and no amount of pushing yourself can give it to you. But I know it's really not about how much you work for something, it's really up to God, whether He wants to give it to you, whether it's in his whole grand scheme of things, and as long as you give him your best He'll make something out of it. Yet it's hard to let go. It's hard to fully understand what letting God be in control is really about. As much as I say not by my strength but by his, as much as this year has driven me to the cross and made me understand that I can't do this on my own, it's hard to face the fact that sometimes you can try so hard and not get any results. And I know I shouldn't let results define me. But somehow along the way I got so tied up with academic success and accustomed to flukes that I can't deal with failing a paper, I can't face my grades, I tried to kill my hopes of getting above 40 and I thought I was ready for today, but deep down I really wanted it. It doesn't feel like me at all, I don't fail papers and I don't screw up all 3 papers for a subject. This sucks as a way of ending the academic year.

I need to get this out of my system so I can move on damnit. But right now, telling myself I can do it is just delusional. I thought I could, but turns out it's just a joke. 45? be realistic. ughh.

one day to wallow in self pity. then time to move on.

officially

screwed for bmat.
quit lifeee.
even if I studied for section 2,
SECTION ONE WOULD KILL MY SCORE.
not to mention that I haven't looked at section 3. which I don't really feel like seeing now because although 1 month is scarily close, I might go into panic attack if I see it now.
time to give up and sleep. and perhaps. start studying for ib exams tmr.

UGHHHHHHHHHHHH!
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

19 pounds for UCAS
55 pounds for cambridge
390 for BMAT
50 bucks for courier
a few k for trip to UK for interview
sir is pissed at me
and prelims is going to be a flop.

to top that off, chances of getting the scholarship is <5% i bet.

ughhh.

this is bad

right now, my mind is a
vacuum
a rest - an 8-bar long rest
the awkward silence when you know you should be able to say something but somehow

i can't think of what to say.
maybe i pushed the pause button.

don't know why i've done what i done,
why i do what i do,
why i want what i want.

messages from God

Focus.

Don't lose hope. Try your best and leave the rest to me.

I will open doors for you.

I have a plan for you, and I know what's best for you.

Listen to me. BE ATTENTIVE.

Be courageous. Don't doubt yourself, for I am behind you.

Not by your strength, but by mine.

Don't be angry with me if you don't get what you want.

I will provide.


And so I take comfort in the words of Psalm 139:13-16 -
"For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be."

Scholarship and uni apps. Scary stuff ):

"Nothing, my lord"

And so IOC's over. I thought there'd be a profound sense of emptiness and lack of meaning in life after it was over. I mean, that was supposed to come after the delirious euphoria of having finished it. People burning their notes, shredding their extracts, dumping it into paper recycling bins, using it as rough paper for math workings. Somehow I kinda skipped all that I guess. It feels like it never happened. It's not even neutrality or ambivalence (or is it?). I remember waking up every day this week with bits and pieces of the stuff I'd memorised the day before running through my head. I remember having 3-4 h of sleep a day rushing out notes for extracts, memorising them, practising annotating them, and having to rely on coffee (and you) to keep me awake. But the whole experience of blanking out in the boardroom, walking into MR1 feeling totally unprepared, stumbling over my words - it just feels unreal. It doesn't fit. I was supposed to walk out of that room feeling a sense of liberation. I had it all planned out in my mind, I had imagined walking out smiling. I wasn't supposed to walk out feeling totally blank (maybe it was dazed. or in shock?). Haha and crying was the last thing I thought I'd ever do.

Perhaps there's a tinge of regret. That I couldave studied in a different way, that I couldave studied less and screwed up less. That perhaps if I had another go, I'd have made it good.

But I'm over all that. Because it didn't fit, so I guess I skipped over that crappy bit pretty fast. So I'll be fine. Back on my feet and catching up on all that backlog of mathchembio heh. Thanks, to those people who wished me all the best and who encouraged me after it. (:


Thanks for being where i needed you to be the most - next to me.

I HAVE A RESOLUTION.
I will finish my lear notes tonight.
No matter how late I finish.

There. Now that I've put my resolution on public domain, I have to keep to it.
(:

(this had better work)

Your love is amazing!

4 things to thank God for:

1. Midyears
Haha such a fluke. (Yes here everyone goes if you keep fluking everything it just means it's not a fluke). But believe me, it really is. If not for some miraculous act of God's grace, I would have gotten 4 6s and a 5. So 29+7=36. Yep I would have gotten 36. But God's truly awesome, I scraped a 7 for all my subjects (like by 0.9, 0.8 for bio and chem, eng was 80 on the dot, and math was rounded up from 79.6) and a 6 for econs by 0.9. Seee it's a fluke right. Yes it is such a fluke. But praise God anyway (:

2. FoA
Wasn't as good as last year I guess, but still it was good effort, and the friendships made were the greatest takeaway. I'm gonna miss the year 5s loads. It's gonna be weird not staying back till 7 for practices though hrmm gotta start adjusting to studying in the afternoons :/ & Chaconne unfortunately was in between 2 of the most exciting items but ohwells it was the best out of all our practices, so good job guys (:

3. all those who came down to watch! and who smsed me all the best. Thanks y'all it was great to see you all during intermission and after the concert. To zes mari yanhan lee yvonne (and vinna who wasn't there but i love you still!), it was awesome seeing you again after so long. Sorry I totally forgot what I wanted to talk to y'all about after the concert heh, but I'm sure we'll meet soon (: Thanks for taking the time to come down and watch dears <3 & thanks for the card hahaha it made me laugh! To claire vicky rach munching brenda (and mandaa) thanks for coming to support me even though there's world lit and ioc coming up, you guys are awesome (: (:

4. you (: For your smile, for the sunflowers, and for loving me (: And for making my heart stop. haha xD But doesn't mean I'm gonna let you beat me for prelims. hahaha. <3! (:

baby keep your head up -

stop telling yourself you're tired when you haven't done much -
you didn't bother to do your quiet time
you didn't bother to try to smile and make someone's day
you didn't do as well as you should have done
you didn't do anything about your sucky stamina
you haven't even made her birthday card

stop thinking the world revolves around you.
you don't deserve to feel crappy cos you have everything and you lack nothing
everything you want and everything you need to keep you going

so put that smile back on your face debbie goh
there's nothing to feel crappy about, don't try to find something to feel crappy about
God's got my back
you've got my back
and i have every reason under the sun to smile. (:

keep it only up and up
and know now cos you got all my love love love

Kill me now my number of free smses just got halved to 500.
So friends if I don't reply you or if I call you seconds after you sms me, THIS IS WHY.
grrrrrrr.
):
/edit
Oh even better, now my caller id's gonna disappear from 6th august onwards. And my mom refuses to let me renew it even when I offered to pay. Sheesh seriously hate it.

it's only a day awaayyy

I hate to say this, but I'm unbelievably scared of
1. getting back chem
2. getting back econs paper 1
3. tomorrow.
mrrrawrr. ): I hate how exams play with my mind and how they make me feel sick before each paper starts and how I write the stupidest things during the exam. And how I get 5 minute dreams about getting a question wrong every time I close my eyes and try to catch a nap. blearrgh. Tomorrow, please go well if not I will just. mug harder for prelims? heh. but still, TOMORROW PLEASE GO WELL!! please please please.

falling away

I really really really need You ): Why can't I feel you near me?
I know I can't go on like this, I have a feeling I need to change something, now all I have to do is figure out what and how.

cool stuffff

sigh why are all the angmoh guitar ensembles so cool.

shoutout to econs!
I HATE YOUUU.
(:

ehhhmm.

studying..not good. sigh.
going away for a holiday i don't even want. ohwellos. 2 days of family fun let's go! ahh darn i can't even make noise at the back of the car with my sis now that i have this stupid sore throat. talking is painful. not talking is just as painful. killmenowww.
anddd i need to wake up early to pack, go for tennis, come back from tennis, zoom off to malaysia. which brings me to my question of should i sleep now or be hardcore for 2 more hours?
dilemmamomma.
okay sleep.


hardcore.
sleep.
HARDCORE!
... ):

dulldulldulldulldulldulldulldull.
boring
boring
boring
boring
boring
boring
boring
boring.
debbie needs to make stuff, go for picnics, play tennis, and make people happy.
not stay at home and feel terribly bored.
i hate having no direction, and saying i'm going into medicine just because i can't think of what else to say.
i shall go japan and invent stuff. tadaaa.
ROAARRRRRRRRRR.

stay by me

It sucks being in this position. caught in between both worlds, a foot in each. wanting to move on, but having a fear of leaving. standing on the edge and wanting to be independent, but wanting to be daddy's and mommy's little girl all at the same time. leaving the bedroom yet wishing i had stayed longer for that hug, stayed to sleep between the two of them for ages and ages, not bothering about how much time would have passed, becoming a small girl all over again. wondering why on earth i walked away, and crying to myself, yet not knowing the reason for that sudden sadness.


Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart

byebye tok essay! (= I hope I don't see you till in a few weeks time.
hehe okay yess 3 hours of sleep=1 sleep cycle! :D
I WILL SURVIVE TMR'S CHEM AND ENGLISH TEST.

argghhh screw world lit.
screw my bio pracs.
screw tok essay.
):
12AM and 8AM coffee;
how long's it gonna keep me going?

come sit with me and make everything better

we are infinitely bound by definitions.

okay that was my random epiphany for the day, but i'm much too lazy/busy to bother explaining it. thanks to my tok essay, which is, in fact, also very much bound by definitions.

ahhhh sh!te. holey moley. :/

all for love -

Oh how many times have I broken Your heart
But still You forgive
If only I ask
And how many times have You heard me pray
Draw near to me

Everything I need is You
My beginning, my forever
Everything I need is You

All for a love a Saviour prayed
Abba Father have Your way
Though they know not what they do
Let the Cross draw man to You

It's amazing how some songs just touch your heart and make you want to sing your heart out, be it during worship or during those random moments when work just seems insurmountable and somehow singing to Him gives you that extra strength to press on, or when you're so thankful for His love and grace you can't but praise Him in song. Somehow I think singing out my Sorrys and Thank yous and cries for strength and His closeness is so much more personal, so much more sincere, so much more heartfelt. I think I shall sing during my QT from now onwards hehe(:

Oh & happy Easter! CHRIST IS RISEN! And that is every reason to celebrate.(: (:

cause this is real, and this is good --

it warms the inside just like it should,
but most of all, it's built to last.

I'm starting to realise that what I'll remember about school will be all the stuff I did wrong, all the mischief I got up to, not the times when I was a good student and lived by the rules. I'm gonna remember faking prac results, going late for class because I had to wait for someone, standing at the back of class, running in the rain, smuggling food in our sleeves, drinking coffee in class, and to top the list, eating pizza in the toilet and having a teacher walk in on us. Hahahaha seriously, today was so exciting I'm glad I came to school (: I LIVE FOR THESE MOMENTS. cheap thrills ftw (:

what happened to the sunshine -

I am sick of work.

But at the same time I don't want to say I can't wait for all this to end, or for all this to be over, because I know I'm gonna regret it when it eventually does.

& so I press on. and pretend/attempt to find happiness in all of this.

I just want to go stargazing with munching or walk by the sea with mari&zes (coffee in hand, maybe?) or sit on the astro at night ____. Play catching in the rain. Sing at the rooftop like no one's listening. Anything but sitting here, and staring at my laptop.

It is 2.22 am, I am not sleepy at all, but I am so sick of math port I'm just going to sleep. Andd I have this horrible feeling I'm not gonna be able to finish by Monday :/ Then again, maybe not (:
Cross fingers and toes I make it in time!
Ahhh non-stop working ftw.

Mmm cute email from Jonas, reminded me of my new year's resolution:

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moments, worship God.
Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God.

Somehow it's the most meaningful email I've read this whole year. (: Thanks Jonas!
&& the bed beckons.

Okay soo I just sent in a crappy world lit but heck at least it's out of the way for now, but the work doesn't seem to have gotten any less. ):

And I've no idea why I'm typing it out here when I've my homework list everywhere:
1. Math portfolio
2. ToK presentation
3. King Lear mock IOC
4. Math worksheets
5. Bio IA 25
6. Bio worksheets
7. Econs IA
8. Bio design prac x 2
9. Log CAS for life sci and econs

Anddd guitar camp from monday to wednesday. Ahhhwells. Such is IB life ):

ROARRR.
But all the wayy, everyone (: NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE (:

i
will
finish
world lit
by tonight
or i will
drink
coffee
at
1
a
m
.
a
h
h
h
h
h
):

Omgosh it's only starting to sink in now that ssef like the REAL THING is tmr.
I really, cannot, wait, for tomorrow to be over. ((:
Let's hope I get nice judges tmr :D
Ahhhh it kinda feels like the end of IB? Like just oneee more day and it'll all be over. Just that it's not actually the end of IB :x
Ohwells kinda excited ((:
whooopeee.

and I'll leave the rest to You (:

omgosh guys, time is speeding up!

no tum no tum no tum debbie is wasting her life on ssef kkthnxbye. no tum to do anything else!!

)):

nvm HANG IN THERE GUYS THREE MORE DAYS AND WE'RE FREE. technically, 2 days. screw the public exhibition. (:

ahhlalalala.

sorry going mad already bzzz*pop!*

Thank you munching <33! ((: I really love this song ((: promise to sing it for you on your birthday!(:

(Anddd really sorry about the picture this's the only video youtube's got of the song ><)

I don't know quite how to put this decently
But what's the chance that you could love me too?

Who, who, who, who, who
Has made my dreams come true
And turned my gray sky blue?
Why it's you you you you you

sleeep/

“Studies show that the length of sleep is not what causes us to be refreshed upon waking. The key factor is the number of complete sleep cycles we enjoy. Each sleep cycle contains five distinct phases, which exhibit different brain- wave patterns. For our purposes, it suffices to say that one sleep cycle lasts an average of 90 minutes: 65 minutes of normal, or non-REM (rapid eye movement), sleep; 20 minutes of REM sleep (in which we dream); and a final 5 minutes of non-REM sleep. The REM sleep phases are shorter during earlier cycles (less than 20 minutes) and longer during later ones (more than 20 minutes). If we were to sleep completely naturally, with no alarm clocks or other sleep disturbances, we would wake up, on the average, after a multiple of 90 minutes–for example, after 4 1/2 hours, 6 hours, 7 1/2 hours, or 9 hours, but not after 7 or 8 hours, which are not multiples of 90 minutes. In the period between cycles we are not actually sleeping: it is a sort of twilight zone from which, if we are not disturbed (by light, cold, a full bladder, noise), we move into another 90-minute cycle. A person who sleeps only four cycles (6 hours) will feel more rested than someone who has slept for 8 to 10 hours but who has not been allowed to complete any one cycle because of being awakened before it was completed…. ”

Okay so if this is right, technically I can survive on 3 hours of sleep a day and maybe a 90 min nap in the evening. (: oh yay! Amazing stuffs, sleep cycles ((:

Lord I'm running out of love --

Recently I don't know what I'm doing anymore.

I feel so...young. and immature. Letting laziness rule my life and my friendships. Becoming so bothered by what others think of me. Not trying hard enough to be a better friend.

It's just that being a good friend to so many people is tiring, and cynicism is creeping back up on me and making me wonder if I'm really helping anyone or is it just me making myself feel loved/liked.

And work is just, blah. Can't ever seem to get it right, or right enough for that matter. I have this mentality right now that doing your best is enough and there's really no need to be so kiasu/perfectionist but maybe this is me resting on my laurels, maybe this is me getting complacent. But still, makes me wonder, is best ever enough?

But there have also been those spurts of joy, and I thank you for that (you as in, more than one person.:)).

Andddd I really need to get started on ToK OP SO BRENDA DO NOT FEAR, DEBBIEE IS HEREE! (: REST WELL GIRL, I'M COMING TO SEE YOU SOOOON! (: & I promise I'll try not to screw up the OP again ):

/edit
I wanted to say work is killing me someone kill me quickquick kill me quickquick before work does. But NOO instead I will say DIEE moronic homework PRESS ON GUYS PRESS ON! (: and smile!((:

Sorry ToK does weird things to your brain. You start thinking you are a warrior with a sword out to conquer Homework. );

my middle name is joy!

Rejoice in the Lord allllwaaays and again I say Rejoice, REJOICE! :D

When you're feeling absolutely discouraged,or disillusioned, or there's the rhythmic pulsing of the word shit in your head,

THROW THAT ALL OUT AND SING PRAISES TO THE LORD INSTEAD. (:

REJOICE REJOICE AND AGAIN I SAY REJOICE! :D

mrreeowww. XD

Na na na na na na na naaa+

omg UNDER PRESSURE :D Good job guys!! It was seriously awesome :D The singing, the band+piano+strings, the 'pack pack woodpeckers' 'hariraya sayonara' 'diligent like dinosaurs' 'quiet like crocodile' omg seriously, great job. :D

More importantly, I present to you my mega mega awesome fruit bouquet that I made for joelynn!!

I AM MEGA PROUD OF IT. MORE PROUD OF IT THAN MY 96/100 CHINESE GRADE. :D I actually don't regret spending my entire afternoon making it.
Ahh <33333. (Oh HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!! Esp to all the people who msged me but I didn't get around to replying, hope you had a wonderful time! <3!)

PRESENTING...
MY ULTRA ULTRA SPECIAL FRUIT BOUQUET :D







Okay I made the mistake of being too excited and wrapping it up before I remembered to take a photo of it but SERIOUSLY I LOVE IT.

&& my guilty conscience has kicked in so I think I'd better start on studying for Econs test on Monday, doing Life Sci poster due Wednesday, cut EE do ToK presentation research and revamp ToK essay for the gazillionth time and prac 24 due Friday and this is minus the Bio worksheets, Math worksheets, and BNg's eng hwk.

Ahh shucks I really should not slack ): *slaps self.
But it's V-day + zes's bday so WHATEVER. Whee :D

& thanks so much brenda jlee clement cheah edward gareth & maroon machine for the gifts ((: I really didn't expect to get anything for Valentine's, so getting your gifts was really really heartwarming. Thank you soo much. I can't say how much your gifts and your cards touched me (and made me roll my eyes. This is directed to you gareth. Hahaha.) Ahh. Thank you all <3 (:

):

Not to be self-demeaning, but, this is why, I think, I shouldn't drive after all. ):
This is a compilation of videos of female drivers, fyi.



hoho.

rantrantrant.

've been feeling disappointed with myself every time I go to bed these past 2 weeks. Not being able to finish all your work from the previous week is quite depressing :/
Thankfully, I know better than to let my life be ruled by deadlines.

So yes, I will sleep before 2 today! :D and tmr, before 1! and the day after, before 12! Screw homework. Yay.

Mmmm this weekend's gonna be exciting! (: Now that's something to look forward to (: Even if it means the passing of yet another week.

(and Math port brings forth a sense of impending doom..)

);

I can't find ANY blasted literature on salinity and Daphnia. ugh. Seriously, talk about wasting time. Prac 24 is a waste of time. WASTE OF TIME.
GOODNIGHT.

damnn sleepy ):
sighhh/
so much work it's abusing me )':

"you'll be fine,"

"haha, you always will be."

Let's hope you're right this time round. ><

go debbie.

"insurmountable." Indeed.

Let's try that again,

GO DEBBIE!

):

dysfunctional-ity

is but a matter of perspective.

excerpts

The Worm: Let's bring a movie to reunion dinner. I refuse to watch the crap they have on TV.
The Bug: Okay. Bring Hedda Gabler.
The Worm: That's not even a movie.
The Bug: It's a film version of a play.
The Worm: It's a sadistic play.
The Bug: It's an artistic play. She shoots herself in the head.
The Worm: Sadistic.
The Bug: Artistic.
The Worm: So if I shot you in the head it would be artistic.
The Bug: No, it wouldn't. The motivations are different! She killed herself to regain her power and influence over...
(The Worm walks out of the room.)
...
(still on the issue of what movie to bring)
The Worm: I know. Lord of the Rings.
The Bug: NO. Too long. Bring Sweeny Todd.
The Worm: Oh. Okay!
The Bug: I was kidding. Nobody is going to want to eat reunion dinner anymore.
The Worm: I don't care, I'm putting it in. I don't believe in democracy.

speaking of diana and dionysus,

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. UGHHHHHHH.
(ignore me, I am venting my frustration here so pretend you didn't read this because I am totally fine, I just need to go

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.)

This had better be worth it.
I hate having a writer's block. ):

To quote Lady Macbeth,

Come, you spirits
That tend on intelligent thoughts, unblock me here,
And fill me, from the crown to the toe, top-full
Of direst genius! Make thick my blood,
Stop up th' access and passage to girlish tendencies
to swoon at the sight of Lee Min Ho,
That no hormonal visitings of nature
Shake my fell purpose, nor keep peace between
The effect and it.

Shakespeare ftw. Go away Ibsen and Strindberg.

when I see you smile --

Looking at the amount of homework that's come rolling in just within the first 3 weeks of school, the 'embrace the challenge' attitude I'd intended to adopt doesn't seem to be much help. Kinda? But not really.

But this will not be about how sucky having to do
/edit
1. world lit outline
2. english practical criticism
3. paper 2 essay outline
4. tok essay
5. tok presentation
6. math ws 6 & 8 and integration revision ws
7. prac 23 (and 24?)
8. econs saq and essay
9. bio mcq, structured, essays
10. ee shortening/(re)writing, for others
over the next few days is.

This will be a thank you to the three people who make me love going to school so much.
brenda munching amanda, seeing you every day just makes me smile, no matter how tired I am. Thanks for the laughter, the ostracizing, the food. But especially the laughter (: We really need to do the laugh-for-5 minutes "same time, same place" thing again every day. I'm gonna miss munching's laugh and brenda's 'you're weird' stares and manda's telephone conversations when we move on from here ): And munching brenda and I sleeping on the table between lessons. And everything else that y'all do that make being in school such a joy.
THANK YOU <3.

and how can I say, how much I miss you and you.
Getting your sms today was so heart warming, even if it's just 2 words, I really do miss you maoo (: and you too, thanks for the expert tok advice (: I really wanted to ask how was your og and how's everything else in your life, but it's hard to get everything over sms, so I didn't. But I hope you're both handling everything well, it's gonna be tough, but I'll be a call away if you need me (: love you two!

Mmm. Thank you Lord (:

we just don't care, we just don't care/

Mm been feeling very..ambivalent these few days. Then there's also some kind of mixture between neutrality and cynicism and denial and wanting to get away from everything. Sometimes I think I won't do too badly as a hermit.
Perhaps too long away from school has left me socially inept too. ?
Too much daydreaming about life after IB (: and in a hurry to get out of Singapore.
Andd far too many wandering thoughts, don't really know what I want, maybe I'll get over it with time. Maybe if I ignore it it will go away. Hmmm/

God has His own timing

Back to massive dumping of parts of my EE into various appendices. I absolutely love SSEF for its lack of a word limit.