hey guys look i'm famous.

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Deuteronomy, then read on to 'Muggerbee'.

i don't know how things became like this. i don't know how my testimony for Christ has become so skewed, so messed up and misinterpreted and i feel like i've failed so miserably. perhaps this is His way of testing me, because i have been so misunderstood and it's like everything i've tried to bring across to them, it obviously hasn't gotten through. it's not just my reputation that i'm worried about, it's more that i'm afraid that they think Christians are hypocrites? all that talk about why we don't skip classes, why we don't cheat at exams, it's like all the time we've been trying to get a message across to them, trying so hard to help them understand how grades and positions are just so temporary and worldly and they will fade and that when all is gone, what stands is integrity, passion, stuff that others can't ever beat nor take away. and it's heartbreaking, really, because i know the 4 of us really study hard not for personal glory, we've talked about it one way or another, and we really study either out of love for whatever we're studying (as unbelievable and prissy as it sounds), or out of thankfulness that we can actually study and in hope that we can pass it forward to those who don't have this blessing, and for all of us, it's our way of honouring Him, that whatever we get is a result of His grace, how else do we get by? honestly, our schedules are by far more packed then theirs, what with church commitments and cca responsibilities especially for the guys, and it's really only through Him that it's possible that they're doing as well as they are now. but it's just so discouraging, yeah it's a joke i know, i don't deny that some parts are pretty funny, but at the same time it's disappointing that everything we've said and done is just a joke for them, something to laugh at and taunt and make fun of.

at the same time, i guess i'll let this be a lesson for me to be more aware of the way i behave, to be cautious and not to be hypocritical nor proud nor self-righteous. and i know i needn't ever let such talk bring me down, because i can be always be assured that each daunting obstacle's just an opportunity to prove the faithfulness of God's Word and the immensity of God's power.

&so this brings me to the reminder in Colossians 3:23-4 (thanks eugene for sharing!),
"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.",
the instruction in Matthew 6:19-21,
"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.",
and the declaration in Isaiah 40:6-8,
"All men are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field. The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever."

if anything, God's Word's really the best comfort anyone could ever get. (:
&& i'm out.

/edit: haha okay yay they repented and took down the meanest stuff. but my page is still there >( bleargh.

haha i was browsing through my applications on facebook and i discovered this MyType application that i did a few months ago. i swear, this is the most accurate personality test i've ever done. better than all the personality tests my dad buys from US for his students. i was like, omg yes totally at every sentence >< okay maybe it's accurate just for me, but yeah if you've fb go do it! :D it felt good having something explain to me how on earth my mind works. either that or it's just that this is the aftereffect of reading too much Siddhartha and psychoanalysis blahblah.

ENFJ
The Adviser
Extroverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging

Popular and sensitive, with outstanding people skills. Externally focused, with real concern for how others think and feel. Usually dislike being alone. They see everything from the human angle, and dislike impersonal analysis. Very effective at managing people issues, and leading group discussions. Interested in serving others, and probably place the needs of others over their own needs.



As an ENFJ, you're primary mode of living is focused externally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your personal value system. Your secondary mode is internal, where you take things in primarily via your intuition.

ENFJs are people-focused individuals. They live in the world of people possibilities. More so than any other type, they have excellent people skills. They understand and care about people, and have a special talent for bringing out the best in others. ENFJ's main interest in life is giving love, support, and a good time to other people. They are focused on understanding, supporting, and encouraging others. They make things happen for people, and get their best personal satisfaction from this.

Because ENFJ's people skills are so extraordinary, they have the ability to make people do exactly what they want them to do. They get under people's skins and get the reactions that they are seeking. ENFJ's motives are usually unselfish, but ENFJs who have developed less than ideally have been known to use their power over people to manipulate them.

ENFJ's are so externally focused that it's especially important for them to spend time alone. This can be difficult for some ENFJs, because they have the tendency to be hard on themselves and turn to dark thoughts when alone. Consequently, ENFJs might avoid being alone, and fill their lives with activities involving other people. ENFJs tend to define their life's direction and priorities according to other people's needs, and may not be aware of their own needs. It's natural to their personality type that they will tend to place other people's needs above their own, but they need to stay aware of their own needs so that they don't sacrifice themselves in their drive to help others.

ENFJ's tend to be more reserved about exposing themselves than other extraverted types. Although they may have strongly-felt beliefs, they're likely to refrain from expressing them if doing so would interfere with bringing out the best in others. Because their strongest interest lies in being a catalyst of change in other people, they're likely to interact with others on their own level, in a chameleon-like manner, rather than as individuals.

Which is not to say that the ENFJ does not have opinions. ENFJs have definite values and opinions which they're able to express clearly and succinctly. These beliefs will be expressed as long as they're not too personal. ENFJ is in many ways expressive and open, but is more focused on being responsive and supportive of others. When faced with a conflict between a strongly-held value and serving another person's need, they are highly likely to value the other person's needs.

The ENFJ may feel quite lonely even when surrounded by people. This feeling of aloneness may be exacerbated by the tendency to not reveal their true selves.

People love ENFJs. They are fun to be with, and truly understand and love people. They are typically very straight-forward and honest. Usually ENFJs exude a lot of self-confidence, and have a great amount of ability to do many different things. They are generally bright, full of potential, energetic and fast-paced. They are usually good at anything which captures their interest.

ENFJs like for things to be well-organized, and will work hard at maintaining structure and resolving ambiguity. They have a tendency to be fussy, especially with their home environments.

In the work place, ENFJs do well in positions where they deal with people. They are naturals for the social committee. Their uncanny ability to understand people and say just what needs to be said to make them happy makes them naturals for counseling. They enjoy being the center of attention, and do very well in situations where they can inspire and lead others, such as teaching.

ENFJs do not like dealing with impersonal reasoning. They don't understand or appreciate its merit, and will be unhappy in situations where they're forced to deal with logic and facts without any connection to a human element. Living in the world of people possibilities, they enjoy their plans more than their achievements. They get excited about possibilities for the future, but may become easily bored and restless with the present.

ENFJs have a special gift with people, and are basically happy people when they can use that gift to help others. They get their best satisfaction from serving others. Their genuine interest in Humankind and their exceptional intuitive awareness of people makes them able to draw out even the most reserved individuals.

ENFJs have a strong need for close, intimate relationships, and will put forth a lot of effort in creating and maintaining these relationships. They're very loyal and trustworthy once involved in a relationship.

An ENFJ who has not developed their Feeling side may have difficulty making good decisions, and may rely heavily on other people in decision-making processes. If they have not developed their Intuition, they may not be able to see possibilities, and will judge things too quickly based on established value systems or social rules, without really understanding the current situation. An ENFJ who has not found their place in the world is likely to be extremely sensitive to criticism, and to have the tendency to worry excessively and feel guilty. They are also likely to be very manipulative and controling with others.

In general, ENFJs are charming, warm, gracious, creative and diverse individuals with richly developed insights into what makes other people tick. This special ability to see growth potential in others combined with a genuine drive to help people makes the ENFJ a truly valued individual. As giving and caring as the ENFJ is, they need to remember to value their own needs as well as the needs of others.



Content above copyright of BSM Consulting, www.personalitypage.com

hahah. yeah. cool stuff.
EXAMS IN 3 DAYS.
YAYYY.

ti(r)ed down :

i am perpetually torn between wanting to be a rebel and doing what i think is gonna work better for me, heckcare to what everyone else thinks of me, and being the perfect model student who just does whatever is expected of her.
why is it so hard for me to do what everyone else seems to have no problem doing? i don't even know why on earth i waste so much deliberating over what anyone else could decide in a split second.
the need to please everyone else is stifling me. the rational way of carefully measuring out the pros and cons of every damn action is just too timeconsuming and draining and sometimes i really, really, want to just not give a damn.

i am soo behind in my studying. and all the expectations, the double standards, they're are too much, too many to ignore. i really didn't want this, i really didn't. i thought brushing it off would work fine, but there's really no way to avoid it, is there? i thought i could be mature about it, keep up the whole studying only to honour Him but now it's so real and facing it every day is just changing things in ways that i don't seem to have any control over. i can't study the way i want to anymore, i can't learn all the extracurricular stuff that's actually interesting because i've got to revise whatever's tested. everything is so controlled now and it's hard not to conform to those expectations and guidelines, what with the ridiculous dean's list and rankings and making exams into such a huge competition when exams weren't meant to be that way anyway. & i have prayed and i have told God that i'll just do my best and entrust the rest into His hands, but sometimes all the tiredness goes beyond the surviving on 3 hours of sleep every day and all of a sudden it just hits me and it's hard to stand firm and truly believe in what i pray.

i wish i could be in total control of what's going on, but i guess it's His way of teaching me to just leave everything up to Him.

I am not yet born; O fill me
With strength against those who would freeze my
humanity, would dragoon me into a lethal automaton,
would make me a cog in a machine, a thing with
one face, a thing, and against all those
who would dissipate my entirety, would
blow me like thistledown hither and
thither or hither and thither
like water held in the
hands would spill me.

Let them not make me a stone and let them not spill me.
Otherwise kill me.

calvin and hobbes is one freaking funny comic.

not only does he say a whole lot of truth,
"You can't just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood."
"What mood is that?"
"Last-minute panic."

he is sooo qian bian.
"People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world."

"Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact you."

nice, luh. :D

I am not yet born; O fill me
With strength against those who would freeze my
humanity, would dragoon me into a lethal automaton,
would make me a cog in a machine, a thing with
one face, a thing, and against all those
who would dissipate my entirety, would
blow me like thistledown hither and
thither or hither and thither
like water held in the
hands would spill me.

Let them not make me a stone and let them not spill me.
Otherwise kill me.

these are the moments, these are the times;

;cause these are the days worth living
these are the years we're given
and these are the moments
these are the times
let's make the best out of our lives.