never happened

Could and should must be the two most painful words that ever existed.
Could have done it, should have known that.
The possibilities could (no, would) kill you.
The painful realisation that you missed your chance, your one and only shot to make it right. They say there's no point crying over spilt milk, but moving on doesn't help at all to take away the regret. It just stays there and it comes back to haunt you again and again when you're not thinking about anything and then it comes back and hits you and it always hurts like hell.
But if we have wants then we'll have to have regrets. Life's like that right? Can't always get what you want. So since I want my wants, I guess I'll have to live with my regrets.
Perhaps if I get that research scholarship I'll do something useful for myself. Find a painkiller that helps block out parts of your mind. If you don't think about it, it won't hurt so much. Won't hurt so much..so much so much.