It's funny, because I should be tired by everything that's going on now, but somehow I'm not. There's some force that's keeping me going, that's helping me believe that I can actually pull this off, that I can handle this even though it just seems totally impossible to me. But there is this tiny voice that tells me it is possible.

& Thanks to all of y'all for your encouragements (: Thank you zes, I'm taking it as an encouragement and a compliment! (hopefully i didn't misinterpret :x) Haha yes, very deep ;D Thank you mari, for your awesome company and I am damn excited about the rest of the hols! :D ZES YOU MUST SOO JOIN US WHEN WE FINISH STUDYING CHINESE OKAY! Hahah. And thanks furball, I will tryyy. If I can steal shaun's brain and somehow remember everything D: All the best with EE and Chem! ><

Anddd i'm out. Early night (:

I feel like I'm losing steam, maybe this is what it means to burn out. It sucks knowing that I have to work thrice as hard as everyone else because I'm so slowww. Sometimes I wish I were mediocre then I wouldn't be placed in a position whereby everyone else seems to be born smart but then I remember what I wished for last year and I can't decide whether to regret or not.

I'm just doing work aimlessly now, just trudging through it and hoping I get somewhere eventually, but it's not like I'd rather watch random stuff on tv or idk, whatever the guys mean when they tell me to get a life. Gossip with the girls? Listen to love woes? Shop? Play soccer/fifa/guitarhero? Watch Friends? Get a boyfriend?

I don't know, it just seems like everyone's got their own way to occupy themselves this holidays and mine's just filled with loads of work and everyone's leaving, gonna have their own fun programme, their own fun holiday, their own fun dates, while I'm gonna be stuck around at home in my hidey hole doing what I do best. Educating myself -.- I mean, yeah it's fun to read and read and read philo bio chem psychology Christianity yadda yadda helllotof stuff to read. and oh study for SATs. Ahh. Okay awesome I know alr. I'm finding myself a reading buddy (: Then we shall go all over Singapore and find nice places to chill out and just, readdd. (:

And omg crap I need someone to play tennis with! ): Or I could just. play against the wall :/ Roar stupid cck doesn't have a freaking wall court around luh -.-

But ah well, okay awesome set there goes my holiday plans for 2008 (:
Yay!Okay happier now, can go back to attempting bio prac :D

Eh but really, anyone who doesn't mind uhm educating yourself over the holidays and you're just as sad as me and you don't have much exciting stuff planned for the holidays and you don't mind risking your eyesight or lugging books around Singapore PLEASE BE MY FRIEND! :D

someone keeel me before bio and chem oly does. mr venthan said i'm crazy, and good luck. i think i'm mad. everyone is sleeping soundly and i am undecided whether to finish ecology, reattempt for the third time the chem oly questions, or continue bio prac. sucks sarks snarks snorks sorks socks. i really. have. no. holidays.

whines.

nvm heck i'm signing up for pilates i don't care if it screws up my study timetable. a healthy and fit body is also a way of honouring God (:
and i suspect i sprained my thumb -.- must be after hours of a deathgrip on my highlighter. ):

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
):

Yesterday the sun set really early. The courts had to turn on the lights at 6.30, which is half an hour earlier, and by the time I'd reached home it was 9.00-ish kindof dark. And somehow I had this strong fear that the sun might not rise today because it was just so dark, so I told my dad 'it looks like the sun may not definitely rise tomorrow', and he said 'well if that happens, it just means our Lord is coming.'

It made me scared because I realised I really don't want to leave this earth just yet. And the incident just made me realise that God's coming anytime, and yet I feel so unprepared, so undeserving to be taken to Heaven. I've had 17 years to seek Him and to share His Word, but how have I spent it? I've never shared the Gospel with anyone, because I'm always too scared of skeptics, and it's only recently that I've made some semblance of effort by reading Strobel's Case for Faith, but I can't seem to maintain that sense of urgency that I get occasionally and which dies off after awhile. While my faith in what He can do is strong, at the same time it feels hollow at times and incomplete because it doesn't seem to have a historical backing, it doesn't have the full support of all the biblical content, and it just doesn't seem right that I can relate to certain parts of the Bible and not others. Daniel and Hebrews were really dry at the start, until I came to the familiar stories and practical applications, and it seemed that my interest in the Bible was based on familiar childhood stories and nothing more. Which is funny, because while there is so much to learn from the Bible, I can readily pick up my textbooks and start mugging, whereas it takes soo much discipline to pick up the Bible, or even start reading Case for Faith. It seems almost illogical, on hindsight, now. Because I tell myself that mugging for bio and chem oly is soo urgent, it's in about a month from now; yet God could come any day now, I could meet someone wavering in his/her faith tomorrow, yet because the deadlines are intangible I procrastinate, and I guess it'll be too late for regrets when that happens.

While I feel tied down by jc life at the same time I realise how unwilling I am to leave all this behind. And admittedly I am reluctant to solve this. ): Somehow, the only thought that's in my mind now is how much I don't want to leave yet. There's just so much more to do! I know for sure I definitely want to go on my first date before He comes and takes me, better still if I get married (:

I know i'm ending this hanging halfway, but I've gotta get started on bio prac like noww, but one thing's for sure, I'll remember to thank Him every morning when the sun rises (: