i told you, i told you i knew things would turn out this way. but you didn't listen, did you?

I've come to the point where what I stood for has now been trampled upon by the one person I had hoped the most to give me the emotional suport I need to make the change. I guess the word is disappointed. Or maybe I've heard so much, you've been drilling it into my head, that I've come to the point where I just want to give up and show you what it means to lose that part of me that could have made things better, that part of me that could have taken me so much further. Sometimes I wish I could just break down completely so that you take more notice of what you say. But that's just pathetic because regretting isn't going to take me anywhere.
I really viewed the change from RJ to AC with so much excitement and hope because I thought it was something that was going to give me the chance to go further. I really wanted to enjoy studying and writing and learning to speak out. I was so damn positive damnit.but every day I am told that I have betrayed the school, I am the odd one out I have voluntarily kicked myself out of my own social circle I am a misfit, I have voluntarily left my friends, I have given up any advantage I once had over others, the sacrifices aren't worth the risk. My decision is a stupid one and I have to prove myself using results, I have to start from scratch, I have to push myself to my limits to get back up to the position that I have fallen from. I have put myself at an disadvantage, I am an emotional wreck, I am not thinking rationally and I have to pay for it. I am frowned upon, I have fallen from grace. I am no longer respected by the adults, I am deemed to be afraid of competition, people think I am escaping and I am taking the easy way out. There is disbelief, there is doubt, and failure is not an option.
This is the way I have been taught to look at my life for the next two years. I must work, I must pay. Enjoyment is an indication of a wrong decision and calls for reflection upon my bad bad decision. I must work twice as hard as everyone else, I must go for alevel tuition and study for sats, because I have put myself at a disadvantage, and I am under a microscope and people are watching me and they want results like I do.So much for things becoming better.