i'm very sad. very VERY sad. screw ss man. i know this sounds ridiculous, i know you guys are going to swear at me for saying what i'm gonna say, i know people are gonna say "you know, grades aren't everything..don't stress, it's just SCHOOLLIFE." and marissa's gonna say - "don't worry ABOURIT". but it's not just ss. it's the whole idea of that score sheet, that gpa, those 2 digits with a dot in the middle, that green-white sheet of paper; i don't ever want to fail. i know I KNOW okay? failure's gonna come like BANG! in my face when i least expect it but hey, it's who i am okay? so just deal with it. grades determine me okay? yeah THERE. i spat it out. yeah i know I KNOW i'm like some mugger who mugs maths 15 min before a concert starts, but that's me man. it's like. for me, it's like grades are the only things that make me special, that make me..noticed. do you get what i mean? probably not. mm. as in. that number that ONE number - it embodies me. it's who i am, it's how much of a person i am, it's got a lot to say about me. it's what i do every day, it's how i mix with people, it's basically months and months of me put inside one number. and i don't want to fail. i hate failing- i admit it. and i know i know that once i fail i'm gonna fail again and again and i can't let that happen to me. this whole year has been a failure. everything's gone wrong, nothing's gone the way it should have gone, and nothing has been the way it was meant to be and here i am crying at my com because of ONE STUPID NUMBER.
yeahyeah i need counselling. why? because i'm not doing my guitar logs stuff, i'm not doing my lit pt, i'm not studying for chem or math, because i've not been practising my piano NOR guitar though i really want to and my fingers are itching damn they're itching.
stars rain sun moon
(and only the snow can begin to explain
how children are apt to forget to remember
with up so floating many bells down)
one day anyone died i guess
(and noone stooped to kiss his face)
busy folk buried them side by side
little by little and was by was
all by all and deep by deep
and more by more they dream their sleep
noone and anyone earth by april
wish by spirit and if by yes.
it's a beautiful poem. hope you enjoyed it.
(<3 cummings!)
Friday, May 12, 2006
Sunday, May 07, 2006
No. 09/070506
loooook: according to Tickle, this is MY kind of guy o.O
"Forget Mr Average! You go for the artistic type!
Creative. Sensitive. A bit offbeat. Your type is the Artiste, a unique man who knows how to express himself in many ways, whether it's through words, music, or attire. You're attracted to his unconventional ways and his remarkable talents. He doesn't feel compelled to abide by society's norms. He believes that individuality is the key to happiness, and everything he does is a reflection of his "inner self". You fall head-over-heels for such confidence and style. Whether he's playing a song he wrote for just you or writing you a love letter, this man knows how to make you feel special. He's in touch with his feminine side and doesn't need to assert his masculinity to feel manly. If we were to paint a picture of your future, the Artiste would definitely be part of it! "
:/
"Forget Mr Average! You go for the artistic type!
Creative. Sensitive. A bit offbeat. Your type is the Artiste, a unique man who knows how to express himself in many ways, whether it's through words, music, or attire. You're attracted to his unconventional ways and his remarkable talents. He doesn't feel compelled to abide by society's norms. He believes that individuality is the key to happiness, and everything he does is a reflection of his "inner self". You fall head-over-heels for such confidence and style. Whether he's playing a song he wrote for just you or writing you a love letter, this man knows how to make you feel special. He's in touch with his feminine side and doesn't need to assert his masculinity to feel manly. If we were to paint a picture of your future, the Artiste would definitely be part of it! "
:/
Friday, May 05, 2006
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
No. 08/030506
sometimes i just get so freaking pissed with the way i manage to control myself. yeah today started out bad. let a bit of steam out and gave zes the attitude by refusing to leave the damned tissue on my table. I'M SORRY, ZESLENE. I PROMISE I WON'T DO IT AGAIN. there. maybe it was just cos of that little thing waiting outside our class at the freaking early time of 7.00am.
but i've gotta admit these few days have really been a strain. i've been so GAHH temperamental but it's like, i've got no right to be. i mean, i've been wanting so hard to just GET ANGRY. you know like WOAH! angry. and i've come so close to that so close but i just have to see them all the time and i'm like. ugh. and there's this jealousy but i'm not entitled to it; it's not mine to claim and i could never do things like that; that'll be too selfish that i'll hate myself for doing it. yet i'm hating myself now for not doing it and that's what's been getting me so damn bad these few days.
went to hairy faced dick's office after school today. ugh. and what does he say? 'well, good luck with your research and see you next august!' friend: it's due july 9th, according to marissa (lee). wth.
2.4 tmr. i'm dreading it, but not for that reason. i'm dreading tmr cause i'm just hoping and praying that everything's gonna go right if i just PRAY. You'll watch over us, won't You?
today, my love goes out to dora and marissa.
but i've gotta admit these few days have really been a strain. i've been so GAHH temperamental but it's like, i've got no right to be. i mean, i've been wanting so hard to just GET ANGRY. you know like WOAH! angry. and i've come so close to that so close but i just have to see them all the time and i'm like. ugh. and there's this jealousy but i'm not entitled to it; it's not mine to claim and i could never do things like that; that'll be too selfish that i'll hate myself for doing it. yet i'm hating myself now for not doing it and that's what's been getting me so damn bad these few days.
went to hairy faced dick's office after school today. ugh. and what does he say? 'well, good luck with your research and see you next august!' friend: it's due july 9th, according to marissa (lee). wth.
2.4 tmr. i'm dreading it, but not for that reason. i'm dreading tmr cause i'm just hoping and praying that everything's gonna go right if i just PRAY. You'll watch over us, won't You?
today, my love goes out to dora and marissa.
'God bless all those
That I love;
God bless all those
that love me;
God bless all those
That love those that I love;
and all those that
love those that love me.'
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)