i think i've become better at hiding my feelings. at being casual friendly. at pretending not to get suggestive puns, at laughing it off, at simplifying things, at keeping things safe and simple. at keeping things within a boundary. at not doing anything. at maintaining my status of single and not looking. i remain undecided as to whether that's good or not.

but sometimes i wish my life had more drama. not so mundane, not so routine. but alas, ib does not allow for that. which brings me back to my quote, which apparently people-who-i-don't-even-know know: i won't allow a boy to get in my way of 45 points. no distractions, there's too much at risk, and i know myself too well to try anything funny and make myself so vulnerable. so i guess i'm stuck with lame infatuations that make life interesting. bahh humbug.

NGHHH. i wish my life were a play, drama over, get back to reality, nothing changes, dream all you want, experience all you want, risk nothing, gain everything. sometimes i wish i weren't held back by obligations, duties, expectations. well, challenges are fun i guess, but sucks the life out of you sometimes. & i'm starting to realise that i've planned my ib life to like, june. wow, cssp, japan trip. i don't know what's going to come next. NOT GOOD.

thank God for literature and it's life sustaining ability. remind how much i adore analysing characters. to be able to delve into the mind of a character..awesommeee stuff.
WHICH REMINDS ME, MY DAD STILL OWES ME A COMMENTARY FOR THE GOSPELS. nghh.

new bad habit: bingeging on chocolate and sweets and nuts and raisins. d*mnit i'm going to be diabetic and a fat glob at the end of year 6 i swear. especially annoying because i keep deluding myself that tennis training is keeping me fit. which i swear is not happening because 1. i can't run omg! >.< 2. i feel heavier when i'm doing pushups. o.O 3. i get tired after 1 bucket of balls. D;

what happened to my discipline in eating HUH. i wonder how eugene does it >< pretty amazing stuff, that guy. :(

zzz. not good not good not good. bad bad bad.
i realise i sound like a shallow air-headed bimbo who's worried about her weight.
haha, don't care. judge all you want. i love myself.God loves me. my family loves me. i have friends. that's all that matters <33