I'd rather burn out the best, than let them die as embers

I had intended to write on Very Problematic Dilemmas of the year. But in retrospect, one way or another, they've all been resolved, and, in surprisingly not-so-complicated-but-not-considered-simple ways. Friend's blogs, scripture, The Mom's advice, worm's matter-of-fact-in-your-face lawyer replies. Further proof that He always provides.
So it's the last 20 minutes to the end of an amazing year, I guess it's time for thanksgiving and new year resolutions.

2008, the year I realised rg wasn't the worst of it. The year I realised 7 am was the limit, not 1 am. The year I heard of Red Bull, Guitar Hero, and ttyl idk imo gg ftw ftl etc etc. Call me unexposed and living under a rock, but yes. At least NOW I know. The year I started having conversations with guys my age for more than 3 minutes. (Whoohoo!) The year I felt compelled to behave like a lady and not go into facial spasms whenever I felt like it. The year I studied 1 month of my year-end holidays away, watched a grand total of 3 movies, and the year I really missed the rg people. But not once have I regretted the move, because I've loved the change, loved the people here, loved the school and maybe not the homework, learned to love what I study, and loved studying with the people here. I love the freedom I have to make mistakes, to be corrected, to get a second chance, to revise a piece a work to the best I could and submit it to IBO with no regrets. I’ve learnt that strength comes from God and not myself, that sometimes being alone is better because it’s just you and God. I’ve learnt that it’s alright to like being alone. Because solitude doesn't mean feeling lonely, and being amongst people doesn't stop you from feeling the loneliness either (thanks marissa). I’ve learnt that liking myself more and seeing the best in other people more makes me a happier person. I’ve learnt so much, more than what I can put down here, I’m just thankful that I can bring all this with me to 2009.

This year,
I want to dare to try new things, to give myself challenges, and press on without regrets, knowing that I have tested my boundaries in thinking and in action. I don't want to stick to the old ways of doing things, even if they've produced results, I want to know how much more I can do if I tried another way.
I want to study for love of the subject and not for grades. (Math excluded.)
I want to have another year of no regrets. I know that He's had a hand in all the decisions I've made, because I don't really understand why I made some decisions but on hindsight, they were right. I want be able to consult in Him in every decision I make, and trust that He's got my back, all the way.
I want to be a better friend, one who's empathetic, who encourages, who listens, who doesn't judge, who brings joy. I also want to be able to maintain the healthy platonic Godly friendships I have right now, and know how to be firm about saying no.
I don't want to be tied down by wishes for 45 points, and I don't want studies to take me away from God and my friends. I want to treasure every moment, to not let it waste away or be taken for granted, I want to make the best out of every moment spent in this school because I know that this year’s gonna be over before I know it.
I want to do my best in being a friend and balance it with doing my best for work, and so I want the wisdom to discern, to know how to do this.
In 2007, I wrote in my diary that I wanted to be outstanding. But I don't want to be that anymore. I want to aim for something that is too much to be captured in grades, or teacher’s comments in report cards. I want to do my best, and leave the rest to Him, and rest in the assurance that my future is in His hands. Because I know that He will reward those who work for His glory, and even though it may be in ways that are unexpected, that seem to run contrary to all that I was working towards, I know that He sees beyond what I can see. To a large extent, actually, I think God chooses the grades we get – either to teach us, to spur us to work harder, or to open doors. So in 2009, I want to always give thanks, not compare, be content, give thanks, smile always, treasure my friends, and give thanks.
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11

Alrightt 2009 let’s go let’s go! One chance, no regrets, no giving up, all the wayyy.
And as I was re-reading all the cards from last year and this year, something zeslene wrote on my birthday card really stood out:
I’d rather burn out the best, than let them die as embers.
see y'all later. (: