there is something fascinating about watching a new chairperson take over your position. seeing the same formalities when dealing with teachers, the million administrative emails clogging up your inbox, the attempted impartiality when talking about members, the awkwardness in responding to seniors asking how's the ensemble, the new style, the desire to be a better chairperson than the previous one. chairpersons change, ensembles change, different people fill up different sections, the sound of the music changes even though the conductor stays the same, three-quarters of the ensemble stays the same. there's this strange feeling when you go back and visit them and they tell all the juniors, this was our former chair! when you try to show concern for how the ensemble's doing and how the new chair's coping, yet knowing full well she's capable of doing perfect without you.

there's just this sense of distance, of disconnectedness. the past seems like a really long time ago, even though it really hasn't been that long ago.

everything just passes so fast nowadays.