it is 1:40 and i am feeling insecure.
i realise i start thinking too much when i'm up and alone in my room. because i become acutely aware that i am a single entity and i have to be sure of myself for me to exist.
that i am insecure about something that i am that i was made this way but that i cannot change.
that i am insecure about how i feel. because i don't even know, sometimes, what i am feeling, whether temporal counts or must it be a lasting feeling.
that i am insecure about what will happen.
that i am insecure about how people will see me once they know what is wrong with me. but oh does it really matter, when it all comes down to this.
but at the same time, i am secure in the knowledge that i am held securely in His hand.

this is the problem. i can't say what i really want to say and no one knows what i really want to say but i want to say it so i shall write it in my diary and keep it to myself.

oh god i think i'm so queer i freak myself out sometimes.