of everything lost, i've found the silver
of everything relentless, my road has ended
of every creature, every sound, the trees have broken
of every silence, i've found my noise
of everything beautiful, my bars reach the heavens
of everything ghastly, only the poor can perceive
of every paintdrop on the glass sill, the rain will wash
of every mud-soaked rain-soaked sweated-soaked finger the mother's pains
only the picture bangs through the afternoon
where the cat sleeps alone, but her sister curls.
my holiday's been so dreary. and sitting at swensen's listening to marissa and zeslene and their dreams to go to harvard and emerson. how small my dreams are. how small and insignificant i could possibly be compared to both of them. no marissa i'm not stressed around you because you compare too much; it's me. i'm the one comparing. i'm the one thinking i'll never get that far. i'm the one saying i'll never be able to do the things you can do, i'll never get to think the way both of you can, or experience your life, but then, my life's my own to control, so maybe i should just take the safe road. i'll never have the courage to dream big because i dont want to be disappointed. i dont have the strength to pursue my dreams even if they're broken, so i'll just live with the boredom. you dislike excitement? try boredom. try stagnating. you cant grow there. and the only thing you can do with boredom? you build up your spiritual life. you patch things up with Him, you start reading your Bible dutifully, you do your quiet time. AMEN.
i'll leave what i want to say here, because it's the only place i can imagine that i'll be living out my dreams. you know what i really want to do? i want to ice skate. i want to go into music studies. i want to heal people and bring them back to Him. i want to study psychology and korean. i want to design clothes. i want to write really abstract lines and makes them into a bag. i want to design my own dream house. and i'm gonna live in a 2 room flat and sleep in a cupboard.
hah. you know what. i bet you're laughing. hah.
1 comment:
my dearest debbie!
im not laughing. im smiling, beaming, whatever you call it. cos for the first time in the past six years since ive known you, i see you daring to dream! && thats a wonderful thing you know, so dont be afraid to dream! you gotta dream big to live big :D so keep the dream alive okay.
god, i sound like an over enthusiastic parent, but nvm. &&you should never EVER feel small and insignificant next to me, cos youre a much MUCH better person than i am, and youre going to go on to do really really GREAT things in life, so when you make it big one day, dont forget the smaller, more insigniicant people like me okay xD
" All men and women are born, live suffer and die; what distinguishes
us one from another is our dreams, whether they be dreams about
worldly or unworldly things, and what we do to make them come about...
We do not choose to be born. We do not choose our parents.
We do not choose our historical epoch, the country of our birth,
or the immediate circumstances of our upbringing.
We do not, most of us, choose to die; nor do we choose the
time and conditions of our death. But within this realm of
choicelessness, we do choose how we live. " josephepstein <333 (go read his work, its like o.O)
oh, and one more thing, just cos you need to smile more. if your dreams turn to dust, just vaccuuum lah! so simple xD
take care yeah!
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